I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
