Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
