I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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