When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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