The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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