Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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