Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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