when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
