I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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