Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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