Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
