I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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