we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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