Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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