Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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