just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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