I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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