Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
