fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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