i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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