I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
