I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
