words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
