he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
