I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
