Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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