I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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