yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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