I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
