I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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