You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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