i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
