my room smells like sperm. sweet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's shark week go big or go home
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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