It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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