For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
