I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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