Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
