yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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