batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
