Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
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You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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