I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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