when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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