girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
