i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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