As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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