so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So many bounce houses so little time
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
