You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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