So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
