if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
