Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
