I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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