Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
