The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
