An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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