Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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