Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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