U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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