Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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