This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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