I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
