I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have fence marks all over my body
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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