a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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