i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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