you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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