so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
one might say we're banned from that church
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
